Your Audience Always Wants to Know, “What’s in it for me?”

WIIFM.  You know, the radio station, what’s in it for me?  That’s precisely what audiences are thinking when they have to listen to a presentation. One of my most trusted mentors once said, “No one comes to hear a presentation wondering if the speaker slept well the night before, had an easy commute and a good cup of coffee. Audiences are thinking about themselves.  Not you.  So stop thinking, worrying and focusing on yourself.”

I repeat his words with great compassion for you!  To effectively sell your idea, concept, product, or service, you must get buy-in — and that only happens when your audience understands how your point relates to them. With this in mind, be careful not to stand in the way of communicating your point.

A. Don’t Seek Sympathy

Listen to how often speakers stand before audiences and introduce their presentations with a self-deprecating remark, such as, “My computer was down all last week and I didn’t have the chance to practice as much as I’d hoped so I’m not as sharp as I’d wish to be,” or “I’ve just gotten over a cold and am not fully myself yet,”  etc…. NEVER APOLOGIZE to an audience before you start you presentation, folks!  1. You are calling attention to you and away from them.  2. You are giving them permission to look for your flaws.  3. You are asking for sympathy:  they are not going to give you the latitude to be less informative and entertaining. So, please, NEVER APOLOGIZE before, during or after a presentation. Remember: they are thinking of themselves, not you.

B. Take Yourself Out of the Equation

Your point has to benefit your audience, so every time you insert yourself, your needs, your wishes, you lose a connection.  Every word and concept is on behalf of their interests. I have heard many presenters make statements that are ‘me’ based and not ‘you’ based, like:  I want your attention, I need you to follow my direction, my goal is for everyone of you to buy my product.  You get the idea.  Your goals are irrelevant and what you want is pointless.  (The only time a speaker can state what he wants is when he is in a leadership role and has already gotten buy-in and approval.  What he really means is, ‘what we all want.’)  No speaker is spared the burden of proving a benefit. The reasons people are crackberrying, snoring, looking at the floor, whispering to the person sitting next to them, and pretending to listen (you know, eyes are fixed on you the whole time but are unresponsive) is because:  1. They are thinking of themselves. 2. The speaker has failed to prove the ability to meet their objectives, or solve their problems.  3.  The point to them has been lost or hasn’t been made clear.   So, think you vs. me when you speak.

C. Don’t Let Fear or Pride Isolate You

Please don’t let the fear of looking silly stop you from using a wide emotional range that can be playful, humorous, mournful, soulful — whatever makes sense — it reveals the essence and humanity of who you are.  An audience’s quest for WIIFM is the command they have on the speaker to be entertaining as well as informative.  As a trainer and coach I know that the people who do not improve on their presentations are ones that refuse to budge on this; they remain uninteresting, unapproachable and isolated from their listeners. People don’t trust emotionally withholding speakers. Dare to put your own brand of sparkle into it! Dramatic execution helps people understand the point and see its worth.  When you insert natural, human emotion into your presentations people appreciate you and relate to you.  That’s how you build value.

If you can look at yourself as the delivery system for your presentation, it might make it easier to realize that your personal needs can not be packaged into your material. This might be hard, especially if you’re already a bit stressed or worried about your presentation skills. You are more likely to get the result you want if you think solely about benefitting your audience than making it more comfortable for yourself.

Happy presenting!

Jackie

Copyright, Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

You’re 50 and Your New Boss is 30. Now what?

I’m a Baby Boomer too (going on 52) and I’ve been there.  And, I’m here to tell you the good news — working for a younger boss can work if you decide that you may have something of value to learn from the experience.

You might learn more about technology from this dynamo.  You might learn what youthful brain cells can bring to the department and/or company that you in all of your wisdom wouldn’t have thought of.  You might observe the bumps and blunders this person goes through trying so hard to get respect from you (and others) only to show signs of vulnerability and feelings of inadequacy. (You were there once, so you can empathize!)

This person may run things a bit loosely. This person might want more contact via email and text and less person-to-person eye contact. This person might not show classical forms of leadership that engender confidence.  You might wonder how this person landed such a commanding role!

I think that management and leadership skills must be developed regardless of ‘generation’ in a way that inspires others to cooperate, to take action on behalf of what’s best for the whole, and encourages productivity and positive attitudes.  Good leadership is ageless. That being said, your younger boss comes from a different time than you do and as one cultivating his/her leadership skills, has generational tendencies for you to be aware of.

Here are some traits associated with Generation X (people born between 1965-1980) in the workplace*:

Techno-literate

Grew up embracing diversity and informality

Wants to achieve balance between fun and work

Self-reliant

Motivated by independence, lack of rigid structures, technological advancement and equity

(*Source: The Generations, Gary Trotta’s Training Games, Inc.)

As as examples, your team hierarchy is somewhat flattened (in lieu of defined lines of responsibility or territory). Work hours are more flexible. People work more independently. Technology plays a greater role in the way things flow. Diversity is magnified and revered.

Some challenges but also some great stuff!

Put yourself in his/her shoes.  You’re 30 and people the age range of your parents report to you.  Threatening, maybe a little? Much to prove beyond the scope of the job?  You betcha. There’s a really powerful interpersonal dynamic at work that can become an opportunity to show your ability to dance with change, with people of all ages and with the demands of the job.

Quietly be the wiser; show patience. Offer assistance without being obsequious, pedantic or passive-aggressive. Just be you and do your job well.  Ask for a casual meeting so that you can understand your new manager’s vision for the department and the role he/she sees you playing in it.  You can work with facts, so go get them!  Show interest in his/her perspective and respect for his/her position.  Explain what strengths you bring to the table and provide evidence to prove your effectiveness.  Don’t hard sell, but don’t undermine your strengths.  Be confident and show genuine enthusiasm about working together.

Besides, what are the options?  Walk away when it’s hard to find work out there?  Try to overthrow the boss?  Disregard the new manager’s expectations of you?  You will lose.

I believe fervently that the only thing that gets in the way of making this work, for however long, is your belief that what has happening is bad, wrong and punitive.  If you were overlooked for this position you need to ask yourself a nice big objective ‘why?’ and start looking at the bigger picture instead of feeling the victim.

I’ve been there.  I once had a boss 10 years my junior who came in as Sr VP after I’d been with the company as VP of the department for some time.  I immediately read her as fearful of me.  (I think my ego needed to believe that.)  She fired me three months later.  Not because my performance had slid, not because I was acting out against her, only because in her mind, I wasn’t a fit — and that’s a quote from her directly.

I know now why I wasn’t a fit.  I tried so hard not to make her afraid that I forgot to make my own decisions.  I lost my center and created a perception of myself as someone who couldn’t act independently.  I had been so busy worrying about her feelings that I became the fearful one.  Great lesson!

You are the reigning demographic in the work force, Baby Boomer.  You still have many years of success to claim.  That being said, people are rising in corporate life with much less time walking on this earth than you, and it’s a fact.  My suggestion: embrace it, grow with it and be a role model of flexibility and integrity.  Show that you have the ultimate team spirit and be generous in developing people who manage you.

Happy communicating!

Jackie

Copyright, Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Extreme Communication Makeovers of Reality TV Stars

If I could join the Reality TV craze with my own show, I would propose, Extreme Communication Makeovers of Reality TV Stars. My role would be to help these new celebrities by giving them the tools to manage their outbursts, emotions and conflicts in ways that would elevate their public image, status and professionalism.

Here are some samples of how I would coach some of our favorite stars:

Bethenny Frankel:  ”I’m high-maintenance and that’s just me!”  She defended to her husband in last week’s Bethenny Ever After, after arguing how much time to spend with his parents.  She really demands that people accept her with all of her flaws (probably because she’s working so hard to accept herself).  To her credit, she is bravely exposing her own therapy and process to us, but, her communication style has a bullying effect that gives others two choices:  appease her or walk.  Right now her husband is all about giving her love and being sympathetic, but my fear for her is that unless she learns how to manage her emotional intensity and stop needing to push people to the brink in proving their acceptance of her, she will lose what’s dearest to her.

Me: Bethenny, how’s this:  Jason, thank you for hearing my point of view.  I value your feelings and know we’ll figure out a solution that supports our little family.  Hang in there with me while I work this out in my mind and let’s keep talking!

Teresa Guidice: “Prostitution whore!” she yelled, as she flung a table out of sheer frustration at Danielle Staub, showing us what a Real Housewife of New Jersey‘s rage can look like.

Me: “Teresa, try this: ‘Danielle, I’m sorry you’ve had such difficulty in your life and I simply cannot become involved in this turmoil. Can we all just have a nice lunch now?’”

Patti Stanger: “You’re out of my club, now get out!” she, of Millionnaire Matchmaker fame, screamed, to a rich but emotionally underdeveloped client (who had rejected her advice about dating).

Me: “Patti, how about, ‘The only way I’ll be able to help you find love in the future is if you take my advice.  What change are you willing to commit to for next time? ‘”

Tabatha Coffey: “You’re a disaster as a salon manager. I’m taking over!” the star of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover sneered, with disgust, as she took the keys from an emasculated hair salon owner.

Me: “Hey Tabatha, perhaps this, ‘There’s a lot to be done here and I’m so glad you sought my help.  I’m going to teach you how to thrive. Now let’s get started.’”

Not such entertaining dialog, you might say? You are correct!  It’s no fun to see people stay in control, at least not when we’re watching them on TV.  I admit, I’m addicted to these over-the-top reactions.  But why? Because it is fascinating to me that successful adults with money, family and friends and education (okay, so maybe all of those mentioned are not what you’d call educated) — people with ‘everything’ don’t have the tools to communicate in ways that yield more positive results when conflict arises.

This makes for great TV, admittedly.  But being a communications coach who helps people make positive impact with others, I can’t help but evaluate these outbursts and wonder how I might be able to help these women. Off camera, these ways of being can be quite destructive. Reacting as threatened, offended, defensive and vituperative shows the need to be right and to prove the other person wrong.  This is not the kind of detached, mature management of a situation by a self-aware, confident adult.

Think about it.  If you watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you know all about the chain reaction of Kyle and Camille’s downfall with one another.  Background is that Camille heard that Kyle said something to the effect of, “Why would anyone want to invite Camille without Kelsey (I think to some Hawaiian retreat)?”  Camille calls Kyle out on it, Kyle denies. They go back and forth until Kyle starts spewing hateful things at Camille. Camille declares herself a victim of sheer jealousy.  In an act of showing her true character, she fires Kyle’s husband as the realtor for the Grammers’ multi-million dollar real-estate investments.  This is to get back at Kyle. Kyle backs off and apologizes for any misunderstanding with Camille to save her husband’s business. Suddenly, she didn’t have to be right, she just had to make things right.  But it was too late. As the momentum of the downfall continued, Camille contrived yet more opportunity to protect herself from Kyle — a dinner party starring psychic, Allison DuBois, who smokes electronic cigarettes and spews venim.  She actually told Kyle that she will never find fulfillment with her husband. “KNOW THAT,”  she sneered.

What does that kind of hostility buy?  Infamy?  What person would feel safe going to Allison DuBois for a reading after seeing her behave this way?

Kyle’s far from innocuous when it comes to controlling her mouth, as we know, having watched the devastating collapse of her relationship with her sister Kim, in the last episode.  There’s obviously a lot of pain and trauma in that family and this is not something I will venture to touch upon other than to say I wish them healing.  But the point remains:  that a communication makeover is in dire need to be part of repairing the damage.

Fundamentally, when conflict arises, the key thing that puts a salve on the wound is to give the other person the latitude to feel what they feel; to have experienced what they have lived.  In order to create any space in which to be heard, we must first give space to the other…and respect what we hear.

As an example, if Patti Stanger is disappointed with a client’s behavior on the date, instead of blowing up and saying things like, “I TOLD YOU TO LET THE GUY PLAN THE DATE!” or “YOU’RE LIVING IN A FANTASY LAND AND WILL NEVER FIND LOVE!” — reactions that only give rise to defensiveness, she might say to herself, “I know I’m the expert and I don’t have to defend it, I’m here to help this person.” And with compassion, calmly describe the benefits to her clients for changing their behavior for next time (and in doing so, creating a next time).  Instead, Patti Stanger comes across to me as someone who is so hot-headed that even if she knows exactly how to help people find love, that she’s not professional enough to handle difficult clients.  What’s on the line for her is a lost opportunity to prove she can connect people; a demand that TV must fuel.  However, she demands so much respect that there’s no compromise.  We can’t demand respect, we have to model what is respectful about us. Patti knows that her lonely millionaires have psychological barriers about intimacy. Why not be more compassionate as they stumble?

Hair salons have a gift in Tabatha Coffey. Tabatha IS always right.  I love how she puts people’s businesses on track for success.  But look at how long it usually takes people to get past the bitchiness, the brashness, the harshness?  She earns respect every time, but in such a hard way that people bristle when they see her.  Maybe this is what Tabatha wants; it is certainly not hurting her TV career.  But I know there is a better way and I know that experts never have to cause such upsetment, loathing and fear in order to be effective. People don’t have to be humiliated when they are searching for help, but frequently they allow themselves to be and the expert should be skilled in helping them avoid feeling humiliated instead of sparking it.

I say this all with compassion for these women, by the way; being a Reality TV Star must be a complicated and risky situation and I certainly admire their openness about who they are.  If I were to actually get my own show I’m sure I would want to turn to many of these people for insight and pointers.

One of the key things I would envision in doing an Extreme Communication Makeover of Reality TV Stars show would be to teach people how to give recognition when it is deserved.  And so, as a first act, I commend you, Andy Cohen, Reality TV Star and Bravo programming genius, in making these women feel loved and respected for who they are by the way you manage your conversations with them.  In the light-hearted and good-natured manner in which you help them laugh at themselves.  In the way you create a safe environment on, Watch What Happens L!ve. You are masterful as a mediator and in your ability to make people feel good about themselves.

Happy Viewing!

Jackie

Copyright, Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, 2011-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.