Jackie Kellso

Archive for January, 2013|Monthly archive page

What Does it Mean to Be Assertive?

In assertiveness, business, business relationships, career, coaching, communicating, communication, communication skills, executive coaching, executives, leadership, managing, people skills, presentations, presenting, professional behavior, professional development training, public speaking, sales, selling, training, Uncategorized on January 6, 2013 at 11:40 am

It means that you say the thing that must be said in a way that encourages and inspires the other party to listen and respect you. The goal isn’t necessarily to change another’s perspective or to get agreement (that’s the art of persuasion), the goal here is to speak up for yourself, and command the space to be heard.

Here are some quick tips:

  • lead with facts, not feelings
  • be willing to state what’s good about you
  • give-up overly emotional responses for even, calm, predictable reactions
  • ask for what you want
  • say ‘no’ when you mean no
  • speak in terms of the value to the other person for hearing your point
  • do not accept terms that do not work for you
  • accept the other party’s right to differ
  • defer a heated confrontation until both parties are willing and open to hearing one another
  • show respect for the other person’s opinion
  • never disclose too much personal information about yourself (despite a promise of secrecy and confidentiality)
  • openly admit your mistakes
  • dare to be uncomfortable and say it anyway
  • strive for being respected; view being liked as a bonus

Aggressive people may get themselves heard but don’t attract friends along the way.  They are good at winning the battle but even better at losing the war.  Passive people generally do not get heard and go along with others so as not to make waves. This does not engender respect. Passive-Aggressive people are a category unto themselves — a quick way to locate them is to find the source of the conflict in a group; they send out mixed messages and find a way of getting what they want through manipulation.

The true assertive individual is confident, trusted, liked and heard.  Confidence is an appealing quality that others gravitate towards. As a communication specialist, the only way I know to effectively become assertive is to practice these techniques with everyone, everywhere.

Assertively yours,


Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.