You’re 25, 35, 45, 55, 65. Your work is excellent regardless of your position. You are skilled, qualified, effective. You’re making positive impact towards the bottom line for your employer. You’re not perfect, but you’re fundamentally a nice, kind, quality human being. Yet, somehow people judge you, misunderstand your intentions, or simply don’t like or trust you: there’s a look in their eyes as if you have two heads and your skin is blue. They blame you for the way you say or do things. They are intolerant of your being different from them.
You feel like the oddball and cannot blend in with the group. This is a known stress-inducing thing, in fact, David Rock of the NeuroLeadership Institute calls this a ‘lack of relatedness’ that professionals feel. It causes a threat reaction in the brain, which can fuel the problem and lead to behaviors that further separate us from the group mentality (i.e., withdrawing, arguing, appeasing others, etc…).
I am a square peg. My entire career, no matter what employer, I am plagued with being so different as to stir the pot, having experienced a host of things from being bullied, to being ostracized, being fired, being gossiped about, you name it. However, I am so efficient and good at my job that this is never the issue that surfaces. No one ever blamed me for being incompetent. I’m just not like the others.
I’ve come to take responsibility for this and see myself as a catalyst. I am a lightening rod. I ignite a riot. I have a strong, assertive energy that makes some people very uncomfortable. I am honest and direct. I am confident. I have a way of working that gets results but is not the norm. It rattles people who follow the rules and blend in. Now, none of this disqualifies me from having to practice all of my beloved techniques in human relations, communication, leadership and holding myself accountable when I do wrong, but it is a quality that I cannot change because it’s so fundamental to my presence and my spirit. And I endure because there are people who see my value and embrace my differences.
Does this sound like you, dear friend? If so, start thinking of yourself as a catalyst that wakes people up. From a much higher perspective, you and your big energy are mirrors for others to have their own limits kicked-up, and when they are mature enough to take accountability for that, they get to change for the better. (And sometimes they pursue professional development coaches when they do! :)) And if they don’t they don’t – it’s a conscious choice to wake-up or not. Just know they will always play the role as your Guru, reminding you to be okay with being different. Until then, sadly, you get to be blamed for their discomfort. Know that some of the time you possess qualities that make them want to push you away, only because they cannot be like you. How about them apples!
In fact, entrepreneurs are frequently people who are so tired of not being a fit, they leap off to be their own bosses, create their own gigs and work in more autonomous scenarios. I am one of these, yet always mindful that clients can draw the square peg out of me and I have to be mindful that I am hired to be of service and to get along.
Do not fret, square one. Round holes are good for your soul. They help to refine and develop you in a way that allows you to get on with your life; get along in the world even when it’s awkward. It becomes a life-long workout of blending in to make your life work. It gives you the objectivity to choose how to behave so that you are being your best. Good news is that round holes can never demand you to fundamentally change. You are like the horse that is given water but cannot be made to drink it. Enjoy your power.
Squarely yours,
Jackie
Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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