The Secret Lives of Risk-Takers

This topic reminds me about the Rabbi who leaves his town, and goes to a restaurant where no one will know him so he can secretly taste pork.  He goes to a very remote location — a five-star restaurant, sits in the darkest corner, and orders the house specialty.  Eventually, the chef and a waiter come out of the kitchen carrying a large silver-plated dish with a dome covered over it, loudly singing praises about this glorious meal.  Everyone in the dining room is captivated by the presentation and the aroma. Oohs and aahs from other patrons can be heard as the chef walks towards the Rabbi. The Rabbi is panicking; sweat dripping down his face.  The chef carefully puts the plate down in front of the Rabbi, while the waiter places a napkin into the Rabbi’s collar. Suddenly, a couple sitting at the next table yells out, “Rabbi, it’s us, Sidney and Sheila Goldberg!  We are in your congregation!  What are you doing so far out of town?  As the Rabbi thinks about his response, the waiter lifts the cover off the plate. The Rabbi looks down and sees an entire roasted, suckling pig with a large apple stuffed in its mouth. Humiliated, mortified, he turns to the Goldbergs and says, “All this fuss for a baked apple?”

Sometimes taking risks turn out to be hellish, and sometimes we are misunderstood for taking action that is bold, unexpected, out-of-the-box, and ones that could alter others’ perceptions of us.

The secret life of a risk-taker is to constantly live with the acceptance of consequences and an unknown outcome.  For me, playing it safe is a lesser choice, simply because I have lofty goals of reaching my greatest potential, and I am a firm believer in the teachings of Gary Zukav and his book, “The Seat of the Soul.”

In his book, Zukav refers to Authentic Power as the alignment of the personality with the desires of the soul.  When this happens we end up living the life our true selves are here to experience. Authentic Power is an internal state; one that never leaves us (once we achieve it) unlike external things like jobs, relationships, money, cars, etc…which can so easily come and go.  So, instead of having a goal to make a billion dollars, the soul (not the ego) is reaching for expansion of who we are and asking us to take risks to build our character, to serve our highest purpose, to do what we feel is our mission in life, to reach for our highest human potential.

To achieve this forever state of personal power, we must live the secret life of a real risk-taker.  Here are some guidelines:

1. Think of the risks you’ve taken when the outcome was awful.  You won’t find one. As an example, I once leapt from my bed to my brother’s bed when I was 7 thinking I was Superman and fell, broke a toe. That was bad.  Or was it?  I never tried that again, so I learned a valuable lesson! Ask yourself the dangers of not taking risks.  How can taking a leap ever really prevent you from growing?

2. Set boundaries you can live with that are outside your norm. Evaluate the pros and the cons.  For example, when I decided to leave ad sales, I made sure to have money in the bank to carry me for a few years before I could formulate my new career and start earning. For a huge risk that has financial implications, don’t leap without a plan and preparation!

3. Know that taking the risk is a reason to celebrate, regardless of the outcome! Showing yourself that you have the fortitude to endure risk is a major confidence booster! (I’m still on a major learning curve 10 years into my career shift and every day presents risks. The ebbs of freelancing are painful.  And even when I don’t produce the results I had hoped for, I am still proud of my ability to endure, to learn and to keep moving forward.)

4. Listen to the longing of your soul. This cannot be ignored because the more you avoid its message, the louder it will get. Avoiding this will create a state of emotional pain and suffering, which leads to lowered effectiveness. What are you avoiding?  What risk is screaming at you to take? Inner-guidance always pushes us to fulfill our longing, and change always requires a level of risk.

So in summary, what are the secret lives of risk-takers? Well, they cultivate their characters.  They trust in themselves. They push the boundaries into the unknown.  They see everything as beneficial learning experiences and they act with purpose – to strive towards their highest potential.  They pay attention to their longing, and finally, they know that their authentic personal power will never leave them.

Bravely yours,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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How and When to Say No

You’re being asked to stay extra late to work on a project by your boss and you say, “Okay,” but probably want to scream, “NO!”  Your colleagues want you to join them for drinks after hours, and you don’t like to socialize with your co-workers, you just want to be a vegetable on the sofa, talking to no one until the morning. Sadly, you hear yourself saying, “Yes.”

Why is it so hard to say, “No?” When is it appropriate to say, “No?”

I think it’s pretty obvious why it’s hard.  We don’t want to disappoint.  We want to be the stand-up professional ready to take on more than is humanly possible.  We want the goods to come back to us.  (YOU: “Oh, he’ll remember when I said yes to working until midnight and I’ll be the first to be considered for that promotion.”) We succumb to peer pressure and don’t want to risk not being liked.

The consequences of saying no to the crowd can be hurtful.  I found myself being ostracized more than once because I didn’t want to join the group. Believe me, although somewhat hurtful, it was better than the alternative:  I had learned the painful lesson of becoming too friendly, too open and too close with people at work.

Being a YES person doesn’t necessarily get us respect anyway!  True, we may be liked, but that doesn’t make up for not being respected.  This is the risk of the person who sets professional boundaries.

So, as a general rule, it is appropriate to say, “No,” when it isn’t in one’s best personal or professional interest to say, “Yes.”  Here are some guidelines:

1. You feel taken advantage of (people perceived as YES persons may experience this more than others.)

2. You are beyond tired and must take care of your well-being. Staying even one more hour is pushing the limit.

3. You are being asked to do a colleague’s work because that person is lazy or overwhelmed or knows you are better than she is at that given task.  There are promises of a return favor, but you know this won’t be the case.  You don’t want a favor from this person anyway!  (Don’t confuse this with a manager delegating work to you, which he/she should be doing!)

4. You are uncomfortable becoming too friendly with co-workers.  Once alcohol gets involved, it’s a game-changer. Another type of boundary-breaker is the person who privately shares her personal dramas with you.  Or, of course, there’s the office fling.  My vote?  Do nothing that might make you the topic of gossip and don’t create an expectation that you are the dumping ground for others’ problems.

5. You are being dragged into gossip and condemning of others.

6. Your ambitious nature makes you want to say, “Yes,” with the motive to get ahead. Sometimes this is appropriate!  We want to be perceived as  team-players and a proactive leaders, but this can backfire if we use it to promote how great we are.

We can’t always say, “No,” and that’s a reality.  It’s okay to say, “Yes” when:

1. You are a team-player and want to contribute beyond the call of duty.

2. You see someone in need of help and have the capacity to chip in.

3. On the odd occasion, the team is rallying together late for an important business cause, such as solving a major client’s problem.  Pizza and chocolate for all are called for in such situations.

4. You feel good about saying, “Yes” with no regret or fear.

So, how do you say, “No” without arousing ill-will?

Always start with addressing the concern of the other party.  Here are some examples:

a. “I know how much you value my work and think I’m the right person for the task. I appreciate that. I’m going to say no because it will dilute the quality of the work I have on my plate.”

b. “Thank you for inviting me to join you for drinks.  It makes me feel good to be invited! I’m going to say no because I need to replenish my energies for the morning, and just relax at home. I would be happy to have a quick lunch with the team tomorrow, if it’s convenient for you.

c. “I’m sorry you’re having such problems with your boyfriend.  I don’t want to hurt your feelings and I hope you work it out.  I feel that I’m just not the right person on this subject.  I hope you understand.  I’m very excited about working with you on this project.  By the way, are you free at 3pm so we can go over that report?”

In the end, saying, “No” is not easy.  But, if we hold to the idea that we are setting professional boundaries, we are more apt to gain respect.  And, as long as we are compassionate towards others while we turn them down, we can contribute to creating positive working relationships.

Enjoy your assertiveness,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.