Jackie Kellso

Use Your Bereavement to Become Your Best Self

In acceptance, awareness, benefit of the doubt, bereavement, Best Self, compassion, grief, healing, loss of beloved pet, memories, Uncategorized, vulnerability on August 27, 2018 at 5:35 pm

Rubie Sunning

My husband and I just put our beloved 18-year old cat, Rubie, to sleep. Although she is no longer suffering, our suffering is at moments, unbearable. This is the grieving process and we understand that we are honoring Rubie, and ourselves, by letting our bereavement run its course.

And as always with me, I think about what I can learn from my pain. In this case, and especially as a coach who helps other people, it’s heightened my awareness of being kind to others who are demonstrating negative attitudes and behaviors that turn me off: they may just be having a bad day, as in grieving a loved one. Or, perhaps in conflict with a co-worker; maxed out about the ongoing political nightmare we are facing, or may have an illness; a child who is under-performing in school.

The point is that the heightened sensitivity of a broken heart is the perfect time to sympathize and empathize with others — to give them the benefit of the doubt — instead of judging, criticizing or berating attitudes and behaviors that we don’t like. Underneath those negative things we perceive, may lie a host of personal issues that are keeping people from being appealing to us.

People walk around without self-awareness. They have unresolved anger from childhood, or a terrible boss, or not meeting financial obligations. It just doesn’t matter. What matters is that your pain may be an opportunity to be your best self, and give you the strength to see the goodness, the pain and the true person (beyond how they represent themselves on the outside).

Imagine that when the bereavement has passed, and only the good memories of your beloved one lives on, that during the time of your grief you may have made someone’s day easier; shown compassion in new ways, and even helped someone heal, by using your own vulnerability to make you wiser.

Warmest wishes,


Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Photo:  “Rubie Sunbathing” is the property of Jackie Kellso.  Copying or distributing this photo is prohibited.


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