There are schools of thought that define the Chinese symbol for ‘crisis’ as meaning opportunity with danger. Whether this is the literal translation or an invalid assessment, it’s brilliant. Does a bad performance review feel like a crisis to you? Do you feel undermined or that your value isn’t being recognized? Is there an obstacle to a raise/promotion? If you said yes or even maybe, let’s look at your crisis with some objectivity – it’s an opportunity to assess yourself and use the feedback to your advantage. The only real danger is the pain of discovering your own truths. By deciding that there’s something important for you in the mix, you can increase your skills, reputation, and worth.
I had a recent client (let’s call him Gary) who had just come out of a painfully bad review and was sent to my seminar to develop skills to improve his communication and people skills. Being there was not his choice. His boss kept sending him to one professional development seminar after the other, with the command that he improve his attitude, which was killing his ability to get promoted. He walked in announcing that my seminar was “bullshit like the others” and I knew I had a hostage. During a listening skills segment, Gary turned his back to me and I talked to his shoulder blades. His passive-aggressive behavior was very much his downfall; eyes rolled in the audience at his negative body language.
At a break, I asked him to help me understand his reaction. The picture Gary painted was that despite his incredibly high billings and huge successes, his boss would call him everyday demanding to know what business he was closing. His eyes bulged as he repeated these daily conversations, in which his response would typically be, “When I close something you’ll be the first to know!”
The route of Gary’s problem was that he perceived his boss’ behavior as a lack of trust in his abilities. I probed him, “If your boss had dementia, would you be so angry?” He said, “Of course not.” I asked, “So, what if I told you that your boss is showing you his disorder – that he is so anxious about revenue that he looks to you to alleviate his fear? This isn’t about you.”
None of this had ever occurred to Gary. He had never attempted to understand his manager, and that was the mistake. When we take things personally we tend to act out in truly destructive ways. So rarely is anyone else’s behavior about us. I concluded, “You have been giving your boss a real reason to be concerned about your abilities because you haven’t thought about his issues.” I suggested that he discuss with his boss the best way he can communicate up-to-the minute progress with him. He said, “Well, sounds a bit time consuming, but I can do that.”
We have more control in how things play out at work than we think. However, it entails a sophisticated development of certain skills and the openness to take a hard look at ourselves. First analyze the performance review by its parts. List each area marked for improvement and note the category. The six categories below are what I call Success Masteries:
- Total Communication (Oral, Written, Listening)
- Are you effective in the oral skills your job requires: negotiating, persuading, disseminating information clearly, etc.?
- Are your tendencies to approach communications with optimism or pessimism?
- Do you take the time to research things for accuracy, such as grammar, facts, etc…
- When others speak, do you check for clarity or assume to know what you’ve heard?
- Are you an attentive and even pro-active listener?
- Person-to-Person Dynamics
- Do you have positive, open interactions with managers, direct reports, co-workers and customers?
- Do you spread good-will or does insecurity cause you to be territorial, aggressive, hostile, manipulative, intimidating?
- Do you genuinely respect others feelings and perceptions?
- Ability To Lead By Example
- Do you see and cultivate the potential in others?
- Do you encourage a supportive, productive environment or do you reject others’ ideas and play one-upsmanship?
- Do you manage others’ expectations of you?
- Emotional Balance
- Do you have extreme reactions and inappropriate outbursts?
- Do you gossip, complain and/or sulk?
- Do you send out emails with all caps to denounce yelling?
- Active Engagement
- Are you contributing to an exchange of knowledge, hard-work and creativity or do you insulate yourself to protect your turf?
- Are you a team-player?
- Productivity
- Are you delivering what is expected of you against your goals, workload, and responsibilities?
- Do you dump your work on others?
- Do you seek too much direction or are you self-directed?
- Are you open or closed-minded to learning new ways of generating work?
Watch what happens when you decide to review your strengths and limitations against these Success Masteries in combination with the developmental areas documented by your manager. There’s nothing quite as powerful as accepting how others perceive you and actively making the changes that you and your manager deem important. If you apply what you learn using this method, you will shift yourself away from the current negativity and powerfully propel yourself onward.
Enthusiastically,
Jackie
Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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