Give People Options and They’ll Agree to the Rules

Think of the most successful game shows and why people want to play: it’s the fate placed in their own hands to impact the outcome. Take “Let’s Make a Deal” for example. People can only choose from three doors, and have to take whatever’s behind that door – placing their luck in their own hands. In “Wheel of Fortune” they spin that wheel and have to live with whatever that spoke offers. “Jeopardy” gives people the opportunity to pick their own subjects, yet they still have to follow the rules of asking the right questions. This is the strategy of getting people to willingly follow rules: give them options and autonomy and empower them to have a hand in their own destiny. The mind then focuses less on the restrictions and more on the pleasure of choosing for oneself.

This crossed my mind the other day when thinking about helping a client become better in the art of delegation. This vice-president was sharing her failure to gain cooperation and complained that she mostly receives push-back or non-compliance. I asked her how she went about asking people to follow her lead. Her way was something like, “Hey, I need you to do this. It’s due by 5pm.”

The truth is that individual contributors may realize their jobs require them to execute management’s agenda, but they may rebel when orders are barked at them and they have no say about the task. So she and I worked out a way for her to become more effective, which was to present options and give her team latitude (and some control) over the project, while still holding them accountable for the assignment.

After this interaction, it occurred to me that this issue isn’t limited to delegation. The best sellers know that to influence a decision and close a deal; they offer their prospects options to choose from with varied costs and value-adds. Buyers feel empowered when they perceive to be in control of the seller relationship. So the seller provides options that are adventageous to both parties, with set boundaries and restrictions, but sellers know that to have a successful outcome, it’s the buyer who is given the power to choose from a selection of options.

So, for those of us who must delegate or close deals or get people to collaborate/cooperate here is what creating options sounds like. Examples:

Delegation. Start with the rule: “Sara, this project is due tomorrow at 5pm.” Provide the options: “Between 9a-4p, when do you think you can get this to me?”

Closing a deal. Start with the rule: “We have three packages that will fulfill your objectives, scaled by investment levels. In order to launch this on time, please provide us with your choice by Monday.” Provide the options: “Option 1 will cost X and deliver Y. Option 2…etc… Option 3…etc. Which one would should we go with?”

Gaining cooperation. Start with the rule: “Today the team will be divided up into 3 groups, each with a different task. These are to be handed in by COB Friday.” Provide options: “Based on these deliverables, on a first come-first served basis, please select the task you’d like to work on.”

Autonomy is one of the most important needs that people have in life. Ensuring that your teams are not stripped of this essential human right – even when rules are in play – is a critical factor in creating a cooperative and healthy work environment.

Cheering you on!

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Asking the Right Question: Closed-Ended or Open-Ended?

As busy professionals we try to save time by asking others quick questions.  Yes or No. In and Out. Move on.  Well, unfortunately, this sometimes backfires and shuts down a healthy conversation or the sharing of very important information, and can create negative reactions from others.

As an example, I have to let my clients tell me what they need, rather than assume.  Here’s a sample:

Wrong way:

Me: “Would you like to learn a better way of communicating?”

You: “No, thanks for asking.”

Right way:

Me: “In what ways would you like to improve your communication?”

You: “Well, I’d like to be able to get people to open up; to get them more engaged.”

Me: “Thank you for sharing.  Can you give me an example of what has happened in the past that makes this important to you?”

This is the difference between asking closed-ended questions and open-ended questions.  So many people fall into the pit of non-responsiveness by asking a question that will yield a yes or no answer, when in fact, by asking an open-ended question it can provoke thinking, participation and engagement.

There are times when a closed-ended question makes sense:

Are you hungry?

Are you ready to talk about your raise? 

Would you like to work from home one day a week?

Do you think we got the business?

The difference is this: when professionals are looking to deepen the context of a conversation, learn more from customers or colleagues; share ideas, motivate others, discover the sources of problems, it’s a good idea to know how to engage through open-ended questioning.

This is especially so when in conflict.  We use this tool to remain calm and composed.

Closed-ended:

You: “Do you want to talk this out?”

Other: “NO!”

Open-ended:

You: “Help me understand how you came to that conclusion.  What did I say that, in your words, seems unfair?”

Other: “You gave Ellen more time to explain her point of view than you gave me.”

You: “Ah,  I wasn’t aware, thank you for telling me. Okay, what did I not give you the opportunity to share?  It’s important to me to hear what you have to say.”

Imagine gently tossing a ball back to the other person, whose turn it is to hit the ball.  Be prepared to give recognition and consideration of the other person’s feelings at the same time.

Closed-Ended:

You: “The client called to say he’s unhappy with the outcome of the project.  Did you hear that too?”

Other:  “Yes, but it wasn’t my fault.”

Open-Ended:

You: “The client called to say he’s unhappy with the outcome of the project.  What do you imagine happened? I know how much time and effort you put into it.”

Other:  “I’m really disappointed.  I’m not sure what went wrong. I felt embarrassed to ask him directly.”

You:  “I can understand.  Let’s see if we can learn more so we can fix this. We have some options. You can call and ask him why he had this reaction and what we can do to fix the problem, or I can jump on the call with you to support you.  Which would you prefer?”

People love options.  When asking open-ended questions also give them some autonomy, as above.

Yes, this questioning technique slows us down and we have so much to do!  From my experience, the clarity and connection make it worth the effort. Practice asking open-ended questions and see what happens! Then you at least have the tool when you think it will produce the right results.

Happy questioning,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.