Jackie Kellso

Posts Tagged ‘awareness’

Use Your Bereavement to Become Your Best Self

In acceptance, awareness, benefit of the doubt, bereavement, Best Self, compassion, grief, healing, loss of beloved pet, memories, Uncategorized, vulnerability on August 27, 2018 at 5:35 pm

Rubie Sunning

My husband and I just put our beloved 18-year old cat, Rubie, to sleep. Although she is no longer suffering, our suffering is at moments, unbearable. This is the grieving process and we understand that we are honoring Rubie, and ourselves, by letting our bereavement run its course.

And as always with me, I think about what I can learn from my pain. In this case, and especially as a coach who helps other people, it’s heightened my awareness of being kind to others who are demonstrating negative attitudes and behaviors that turn me off: they may just be having a bad day, as in grieving a loved one. Or, perhaps in conflict with a co-worker; maxed out about the ongoing political nightmare we are facing, or may have an illness; a child who is under-performing in school.

The point is that the heightened sensitivity of a broken heart is the perfect time to sympathize and empathize with others — to give them the benefit of the doubt — instead of judging, criticizing or berating attitudes and behaviors that we don’t like. Underneath those negative things we perceive, may lie a host of personal issues that are keeping people from being appealing to us.

People walk around without self-awareness. They have unresolved anger from childhood, or a terrible boss, or not meeting financial obligations. It just doesn’t matter. What matters is that your pain may be an opportunity to be your best self, and give you the strength to see the goodness, the pain and the true person (beyond how they represent themselves on the outside).

Imagine that when the bereavement has passed, and only the good memories of your beloved one lives on, that during the time of your grief you may have made someone’s day easier; shown compassion in new ways, and even helped someone heal, by using your own vulnerability to make you wiser.

Warmest wishes,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Photo:  “Rubie Sunbathing” is the property of Jackie Kellso.  Copying or distributing this photo is prohibited.

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How to Manage Your Personal Power with an Insecure Boss

In aggression, arguments, assertiveness, avoiding arguments, breakdown in communication, business relationships, career challenges, career path, career-related problems, communicating, communication, communication skills, conflict resolution, coping with pressure at work, dealing with a difficult coworker, dealing with a male boss, Detach and Breathe, diplomacy and tact, disagreements, effective communicating, emotional balance, empowerment, gossiping, handling tough boss, insecure bosses, interpersonal skills, leadership, manage stress at work, managing conflict, managing emotions at work, person to person dynamics, personal growth, personal power, professional behavior, professional boundaries, professional development, team-player, Uncategorized, women in the workplace, work-related problems, working with a younger boss on August 3, 2018 at 5:42 pm

I have been told many times that I am like a lightening rod; I tend to ignite a riot. Let me say this: I don’t mean to, my energy is like that. It creates reactions in others and it makes people like me difficult in a corporate environment. I think independently, I’m self-motivated and truly out-of-the box in the way I approach things. This can be very rattling for those who adhere closely to “the way things are done here.”

As a coach, having worked to become self-aware and accountable for my actions, I always try to use my lessons for the betterment of others. So, I only share this background about myself because work can be hell for a person like me who reports to an insecure manager. I was a victim and contributor of hell for many years during my twenty-plus-year career in advertising sales, until I made the decision to work with my authentic self in a constructive way. Until then I was clueless about managing this energy of mine.

Now, as a brain-based coach and trainer, and I hear stories like mine from the highest levels of corporate leadership to mid-level and even junior level professionals. If this is your plight, you must first acknowledge that you may be delivering a sting with your beam. Here are a few questions for you. See if you say yes to more than two.

  1. Do you make unilateral decisions when you know your boss should be included?
  2. Do you dismiss his/her ideas?
  3. Does your boss side with your co-workers instead of you?
  4. Is your boss inaccessible unless to criticize you?
  5. Does s/he steal your ideas without acknowledging you?
  6. Are you being blocked from a deserving raise or promotion?
  7. Are you overlooked for invitations to important meetings?

It’s time to stop blaming your boss for being bad, wrong, insecure, etc., and start looking at what you can do to create a positive connection.

Here are some critical dos and don’ts:

  1. Directly acknowledge what your boss does that impresses you – be sincere.
  2. Seek your boss’ opinions on real issues (don’t make things up just to ingratiate yourself) and apply what you receive to your work.
  3. Maintain your composure regardless of your boss’ mood swings.
  4. Show respect for his/her views.
  5. Do not gossip to anyone about your boss. It will come back to you with a vengeance.
  6. Do not attempt to become friends – keep your professional boundaries at all times.
  7. Demonstrate that you are a team-player. Share the glory!
  8. Be your confident self and be humble.

Your authenticity is not at stake when you are aware of how to use your brightness and get along with others. People perceive you by how you make them feel. Bosses are just as vulnerable as any of us – and if you’re a boss you know this to be true.

Lastly, corporate cultures can vary and it’s important to know when you don’t belong. On the other hand, use any tension and adversity you are experiencing to teach you about you. It’ll make your experience valuable beyond the years you spend in any particular job.

 

 

Brightly and happily yours,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.