Jackie Kellso

Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Experiencing Change? Say Yes to Reality.

In ambiguous future, arguing with reality, career challenges, career change, career path, change, chaos, chinese symbol for crisis, confusion, control, coping with pressure at work, corporate life, opportunity for change, organizational change, reality, stress and worry, Uncategorized, work-related problems, work-related stress on November 20, 2017 at 8:04 pm

When you argue with reality you lose — but only 100% of the time. — Byron Katie

I’ve had talks with CEOs of companies as of late, who are very concerned with the reactions and resistance people are having to the concept of change. With downsizing and realignment, new management, less resources — there is a rise in resistance and a drop in morale.

I’m not suggesting the problem isn’t real — corporate changes are complex and difficult. But, the true problem is that for anyone not opting for the new reality, it brings about feelings of uncertainty. Lack of security. Fear.

Fear shuts down the view that change could lead to opportunity and growth. The brain is wired to react to fear in ways that protect us from perceived threat. It calls upon its usual defenses so we can stew in how bad and wrong and unfair life is. The payoff of the fear is that we get to judge others decisions and decide they are wrong. But at the end of the day, who suffers the most? You do. Arguing with reality is futile.

When we fight organizational change we limit our own freedoms because we aren’t using our executive thinking powers to be creative and resourceful. When we accept and surrender to what is, we have limitless potential to make decisions about how we’re going to respond and what our plan will be through the change.

I know this experience only too well. I remember being let go from a long standing job with absolutely no discussion, no explanation, nothing I would have deemed as being respectful to me. I kept rolling the thoughts around my head: How evil!! How could they treat me this way!! How dare they!!!! Well, after stewing in my anger for a time, and feeling rejected, I saw that my thoughts were blocking me from making the reality work in my favor. The void left me a wide open door for change and opportunity that I could create. I could learn something new. I could make new connections. I could live perfectly well without this job even if it took awhile to get back the income. No company could take away the good that was coming my way as long as I kept my eye on what I could control.

I remember once hearing Reverend Jesse Jackson on Larry King Live say, “Death is the only certainty in life.” So, given that truth, it’s beneficial to give up the illusion of security that things will remain as they are.

If you are facing uncomfortable change in your organization, here’s what you can do:

  1. Acknowledge your discomfort, your grievance, your views.
  2. Then, decide to go with the flow and stop insisting that the change is wrong.
  3. Ask yourself some questions about the new reality: What’s best for me? Should I stay or should I go? Can I learn from this? How will this change benefit me as a person? How do I detach from taking this as a personal threat, and surrender into acceptance? What paths are now open for me to pursue?

As I understand it, there exists a symbol in Chinese that means both “crisis and opportunity.” It’s all in how you perceive it. Reality = opportunity. Go for it.

Realistically speaking,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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What We Create from Fear Becomes Our Reality

In ambiguous future, anxiety, change, chaos, confusion, coping with pressure at work, create from fear, fear, life's path, loss of work, love and hope, the unknown, twists of fate, Uncategorized, work-related problems, work-related stress on February 6, 2017 at 4:08 pm

Uncertainty, chaos, confusion, loss of work, aging, change, illness, finances, politics, The World, people and twists of fate are all things we are collectively and individually experiencing. Still, we can get through each day, moment-to-moment. By being acutely aware of when we’re feeling fear, we can shift out of it to act only from inspiration and love. Then we can stay focused on our visions and proceed, fearlessly.

“This is the vision of a great and noble life: To endure ambiguity and make light shine through it, to stand fast in uncertainty, to prove capable of unlimited love and hope.”

–Author Unknown

Fearlessly,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do Your Co-Workers Like You?

In arguments, avoiding arguments, being different at work, breakdown in communication, bullies at work, bullies in the office, bullies in the workplace, business relationships, career-related problems, communication skills, compassion, conflict resolution, feeling accepted, feeling safe at work, impress, Insults, keep negativity to yourself, Liked by coworkers, professional behavior, professional boundaries, Respect, respect by coworkers, self-worth, Uncategorized, work relationships, work-related problems, work-related stress on January 2, 2017 at 4:28 pm

Hey, who doesn’t want to be liked? The problem is we can’t be liked by everyone and that’s a hard concept to take in. In fact, some people get so stressed about how much they’re liked that they’ll go out of their way to be part of the group: hanging out after work even if they’d rather be alone; going along with someone else’s idea (even if they think it’s a bad one), and being ingratiating and over-complimentary (while being insincere). It’s all an attempt to feel accepted, included and made to feel a-okay. It’s so understandable.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “People cannot make you feel inferior without your permission.” Think about that. Are you giving away your power to someone else’s judgment of you? True that it’s demoralizing to be ostracized by a colleague with a strong personality or by a team of followers. But, any act that undermines one’s self-worth to fit in is not the route to being liked, anyway.

So, are you actually liked? In truth, people generally think mostly about themselves and gauge others on how safe they are around them. When I say ‘safe’ I mean that the brain is checking every 12 seconds or so to see if we are safe. If you, for whatever reason, are not safe in another person’s mind, you are probably not liked. It may have nothing to do with anything you’ve done to that person, it could be because you are confident and assertive, or are generating more revenue than your colleague, or you’re thinner, or you’re up for a promotion…whatever the trigger is for that person, decides how safe you are. However, if you are not a trigger (meaning, not perceived as a threat) you are probably liked. It’s such a subjective thing. While being liked might feel safe to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are respected, especially if you are going out of your way to be liked!

My advice to you: go for being respected. Respect goes a lot further in helping you, your team and the company. Here’s how to gain respect:

  1. Always be sincere and diplomatic in your honesty. So, instead of saying, “No, I don’t like your idea,” you say, “I like your courage to change the program and think that the idea itself needs more flushing out.”
  2. Don’t get pulled down into others’ fear, anger, or jealousy. Say someone’s trying to undermine you; is talking behind your back and condemning you. Don’t Energize. Rise! Don’t try to mollify or ingratiate yourself. Don’t try to retaliate. Don’t gossip about it. Look within. What about you might be causing this reaction to you? What can you do to improve? What about him/her would create such jealousy or fear? Let your insights help you become stronger. Focus on being the best you. Yes, it’s unfair! But remember that you are being shown how to separate yourself from negativity – you are learning to set boundaries and keep your emotions in check. (Now, this is very different from hearing that a co-worker is upset and doesn’t know how to address you. In this case, you gently work to improve communication and ask that person what you may have done. Sincerely look to patch things up. Be accountable and work to compromise. That action gains respect.)
  3. Avoid being argumentative. State your opinion only after you’ve made sure that others feel heard and validated. You can even agree to a point of their opinion without actually agreeing to something that goes against your beliefs. Instead of “I don’t think we should just hike our fees next year by 35%.” You say, “I can agree that we should initiate a new fee structure; it protects our company. If we do this incrementally, clients will be more apt to go along with it. I hope we can figure this out together.”
  4. See things through others’ eyes. Judgment is being placed upon you, yes. But, you can stay above the negativity by not judging others. People are where they are in their level of conscious understanding and awareness. You be the one with the high awareness and objectivity. When you can free yourself from judging others, you can climb to a place of compassion.

With this compassion, you awaken to the point that you don’t NEED them to like you. You will stop seeking acceptance from people who can only project who they think you are through a lens that is foggy, at best. Instead, you will be liked – and admired – by people who see who you truly are; those who are self-contained, aware and compassionate, and not threatened by your greatness or your differences. The best news is that the more you become the detached, respected professional, the more you will find yourself surrounded by people just like you!

Do your co-workers respect you? That’s the real question and the thing most worthy of your focus.

Respectfully,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.