How to Manage Your Personal Power with an Insecure Boss

 I have discovered an unspoken occupational hazard along my own career path: when a person has an effervescence, a power that shines brightly, it can create problems for others occupying the same space. People can get caught up in the fear of being eclipsed by others’ light and their defensive reactions are sometimes geared towards diminishing and betraying rather than showing support.

I have been told many times that I am like a lightening rod; I tend to ignite a riot. Let me say this: I don’t mean to, my energy is like that. It creates reactions in others and it makes people like me difficult in a corporate environment. I think independently, I’m self-motivated and truly out-of-the box in the way I approach things. This can be very rattling for those who adhere closely to “the way things are done here.”

As a coach, having worked to become self-aware and accountable for my actions, I always try to use my lessons for the betterment of others. So, I only share this background about myself because work can be hell for a person like me who reports to an insecure manager. I was a victim and contributor of hell for many years during my twenty-plus-year career in advertising sales, until I made the decision to work with my authentic self in a constructive way. Until then I was clueless about managing this energy of mine.

Now, as a brain-based coach and trainer, and I hear stories like mine from the highest levels of corporate leadership to mid-level and even junior level professionals. If this is your plight, you must first acknowledge that you may be delivering a sting with your beam. Here are a few questions for you. See if you say yes to more than two.

1. Do you make unilateral decisions when you know your boss should be included?
2. Do you dismiss his/her ideas?
3. Does your boss side with your co-workers instead of you?
4. Is your boss inaccessible unless to criticize you?
5. Does s/he steal your ideas without acknowledging you?
6. Are you being blocked from a deserving raise or promotion?
7. Are you overlooked for invitations to important meetings?

It’s time to stop blaming your boss for being bad, wrong, insecure, etc., and start looking at what you can do to create a positive connection.

Here are some critical dos and don’ts:

1. Directly acknowledge what your boss does that impresses you – be sincere.
2. Seek your boss’ opinions on real issues (don’t make things up just to ingratiate yourself) and apply what you receive to your work.
3. Maintain your composure regardless of your boss’ mood swings.
4. Show respect for his/her views.
5. Do not gossip to anyone about your boss. It will come back to you with a vengeance.
6. Do not attempt to become friends – keep your professional boundaries at all times.
7. Demonstrate that you are a team-player. Share the glory!
8. Be your confident self and be humble.

Your authenticity is not at stake when you are aware of how to use your brightness and get along with others. People perceive you by how you make them feel. Bosses are just as vulnerable as any of us – and if you’re a boss you know this to be true.

Lastly, corporate cultures can vary and it’s important to know when you don’t belong. On the other hand, use any tension and adversity you are experiencing to teach you about you. It’ll make your experience valuable beyond the years you spend in any particular job.

 

 

Brightly and happily yours,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Advertisement

The Secret Lives of Risk-Takers

This topic reminds me about the Rabbi who leaves his town, and goes to a restaurant where no one will know him so he can secretly taste pork.  He goes to a very remote location — a five-star restaurant, sits in the darkest corner, and orders the house specialty.  Eventually, the chef and a waiter come out of the kitchen carrying a large silver-plated dish with a dome covered over it, loudly singing praises about this glorious meal.  Everyone in the dining room is captivated by the presentation and the aroma. Oohs and aahs from other patrons can be heard as the chef walks towards the Rabbi. The Rabbi is panicking; sweat dripping down his face.  The chef carefully puts the plate down in front of the Rabbi, while the waiter places a napkin into the Rabbi’s collar. Suddenly, a couple sitting at the next table yells out, “Rabbi, it’s us, Sidney and Sheila Goldberg!  We are in your congregation!  What are you doing so far out of town?  As the Rabbi thinks about his response, the waiter lifts the cover off the plate. The Rabbi looks down and sees an entire roasted, suckling pig with a large apple stuffed in its mouth. Humiliated, mortified, he turns to the Goldbergs and says, “All this fuss for a baked apple?”

Sometimes taking risks turn out to be hellish, and sometimes we are misunderstood for taking action that is bold, unexpected, out-of-the-box, and ones that could alter others’ perceptions of us.

The secret life of a risk-taker is to constantly live with the acceptance of consequences and an unknown outcome.  For me, playing it safe is a lesser choice, simply because I have lofty goals of reaching my greatest potential, and I am a firm believer in the teachings of Gary Zukav and his book, “The Seat of the Soul.”

In his book, Zukav refers to Authentic Power as the alignment of the personality with the desires of the soul.  When this happens we end up living the life our true selves are here to experience. Authentic Power is an internal state; one that never leaves us (once we achieve it) unlike external things like jobs, relationships, money, cars, etc…which can so easily come and go.  So, instead of having a goal to make a billion dollars, the soul (not the ego) is reaching for expansion of who we are and asking us to take risks to build our character, to serve our highest purpose, to do what we feel is our mission in life, to reach for our highest human potential.

To achieve this forever state of personal power, we must live the secret life of a real risk-taker.  Here are some guidelines:

1. Think of the risks you’ve taken when the outcome was awful.  You won’t find one. As an example, I once leapt from my bed to my brother’s bed when I was 7 thinking I was Superman and fell, broke a toe. That was bad.  Or was it?  I never tried that again, so I learned a valuable lesson! Ask yourself the dangers of not taking risks.  How can taking a leap ever really prevent you from growing?

2. Set boundaries you can live with that are outside your norm. Evaluate the pros and the cons.  For example, when I decided to leave ad sales, I made sure to have money in the bank to carry me for a few years before I could formulate my new career and start earning. For a huge risk that has financial implications, don’t leap without a plan and preparation!

3. Know that taking the risk is a reason to celebrate, regardless of the outcome! Showing yourself that you have the fortitude to endure risk is a major confidence booster! (I’m still on a major learning curve 10 years into my career shift and every day presents risks. The ebbs of freelancing are painful.  And even when I don’t produce the results I had hoped for, I am still proud of my ability to endure, to learn and to keep moving forward.)

4. Listen to the longing of your soul. This cannot be ignored because the more you avoid its message, the louder it will get. Avoiding this will create a state of emotional pain and suffering, which leads to lowered effectiveness. What are you avoiding?  What risk is screaming at you to take? Inner-guidance always pushes us to fulfill our longing, and change always requires a level of risk.

So in summary, what are the secret lives of risk-takers? Well, they cultivate their characters.  They trust in themselves. They push the boundaries into the unknown.  They see everything as beneficial learning experiences and they act with purpose – to strive towards their highest potential.  They pay attention to their longing, and finally, they know that their authentic personal power will never leave them.

Bravely yours,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Secret Lives of Risk-Takers

This topic reminds me about the Rabbi who leaves his town, and goes to a restaurant where no one will know him so he can secretly taste pork.  He goes to a very remote location — a five-star restaurant, sits in the darkest corner, and orders the house specialty.  Eventually, the chef and a waiter come out of the kitchen carrying a large silver-plated dish with a dome covered over it, loudly singing praises about this glorious meal.  Everyone in the dining room is captivated by the presentation and the aroma. Oohs and aahs from other patrons can be heard as the chef walks towards the Rabbi. The Rabbi is panicking; sweat dripping down his face.  The chef carefully puts the plate down in front of the Rabbi, while the waiter places a napkin into the Rabbi’s collar. Suddenly, a couple sitting at the next table yells out, “Rabbi, it’s us, Sidney and Sheila Goldberg!  We are in your congregation!  What are you doing so far out of town?  As the Rabbi thinks about his response, the waiter lifts the cover off the plate. The Rabbi looks down and sees an entire roasted, suckling pig with a large apple stuffed in its mouth. Humiliated, mortified, he turns to the Goldbergs and says, “All this fuss for a baked apple?”

Sometimes taking risks turn out to be hellish, and sometimes we are misunderstood for taking action that is bold, unexpected, out-of-the-box, and ones that could alter others’ perceptions of us.

The secret life of a risk-taker is to constantly live with the acceptance of consequences and an unknown outcome.  For me, playing it safe is a lesser choice, simply because I have lofty goals of reaching my greatest potential, and I am a firm believer in the teachings of Gary Zukav and his book, “The Seat of the Soul.”

In his book, Zukav refers to Authentic Power as the alignment of the personality with the desires of the soul.  When this happens we end up living the life our true selves are here to experience. Authentic Power is an internal state; one that never leaves us (once we achieve it) unlike external things like jobs, relationships, money, cars, etc…which can so easily come and go.  So, instead of having a goal to make a billion dollars, the soul (not the ego) is reaching for expansion of who we are and asking us to take risks to build our character, to serve our highest purpose, to do what we feel is our mission in life, to reach for our highest human potential.

To achieve this forever state of personal power, we must live the secret life of a real risk-taker.  Here are some guidelines:

1. Think of the risks you’ve taken when the outcome was awful.  You won’t find one. As an example, I once leapt from my bed to my brother’s bed when I was 7 thinking I was Superman and fell, broke a toe. That was bad.  Or was it?  I never tried that again, so I learned a valuable lesson! Ask yourself the dangers of not taking risks.  How can taking a leap ever really prevent you from growing?

2. Set boundaries you can live with that are outside your norm. Evaluate the pros and the cons.  For example, when I decided to leave ad sales, I made sure to have money in the bank to carry me for a few years before I could formulate my new career and start earning. For a huge risk that has financial implications, don’t leap without a plan and preparation!

3. Know that taking the risk is a reason to celebrate, regardless of the outcome! Showing yourself that you have the fortitude to endure risk is a major confidence booster! (I’m still on a major learning curve 10 years into my career shift and every day presents risks. The ebbs of freelancing are painful.  And even when I don’t produce the results I had hoped for, I am still proud of my ability to endure, to learn and to keep moving forward.)

4. Listen to the longing of your soul. This cannot be ignored because the more you avoid its message, the louder it will get. Avoiding this will create a state of emotional pain and suffering, which leads to lowered effectiveness. What are you avoiding?  What risk is screaming at you to take? Inner-guidance always pushes us to fulfill our longing, and change always requires a level of risk.

So in summary, what are the secret lives of risk-takers? Well, they cultivate their characters.  They trust in themselves. They push the boundaries into the unknown.  They see everything as beneficial learning experiences and they act with purpose – to strive towards their highest potential.  They pay attention to their longing, and finally, they know that their authentic personal power will never leave them.

Bravely yours,

Jackie

Copyright, PointMaker Communications, Inc., 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Kellso and PointMaker Communications, Inc., with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.